Guess there is no going back. Pesach is in the air and is
coming fast to a home near you. I’m staying calm and composed simply by using
the denial method. Besides, it is now beach weather here. Why stay indoors
cleaning?
One thing I am doing is buying Pesach products. This is
because I have a phobia of being near chaotic grocery stores closer to the
holiday. In fact, I actually went Pesach food shopping just yesterday.
However, this morning I decided to face the contents of my
pantry and see which chametz ingredients are still lurking there. I found a box
of lasagna noodles and half a box of cannelloni. As I cannot have them in my
cupboard after next week, I have two options: throw them out or make a lasagna.
So back to the grocery store I went, this time in search of
ingredients to prepare my chametz dishes. Sounds a big backwards?
When I went to get a shopping cart, I saw that the Shufersal
store had implemented a kind of high tech grocery cart vending machine.
People were
standing around looking at it quizzically, not knowing what to do. What was so
wrong with the old system of putting a 5-shekel coin in a lock to release a
cart?
And why would the store invest in a fancy new lock system, yet not replace their shoddy, dangerous old carts? These shopping carts roll
sideways, not forward. Pushing these carts could send a sore back into spasm.
And trying to maneuver a full shopping cart that goes sideways through a busy
parking lot without denting a parked car or hitting a delivery truck is an
insurance liability.
We pulled at the locked carts. Nothing. We looked for the 5-shekel
lock on the cart. Removed. We then took to staring at the new machine. Silence -
a rarity in Israel. This machine had thrown us shopping robots completely off
balance.
Someone approached the machine and clicked on the computer screen. The
machine talked back. It told the person to take a cart from Row Number 1. He
approached the row and, eureka, a cart was released.
We followed suit, typing in our citizenship number and
getting our carts. This high tech system care of our start-up nation enables the
store to know who has their cart. I imagine the Shufersal cart police turning
up at my house demanding an absconded shopping cart.
It is a broiling March day as I exit the store. I am
sweating as I push my cart sideways through the busy parking lot. As I cannot
access my car easily, I consider pulling the shopping bags out and lugging them to my
car. I try to do this, but the cart rolls off on a collision course towards
another car. Did I mention that these carts also have a tendency to crash into
expensive objects?
But even if the cart were to obediently stand still, I realize
that I could never leave it - it has my
ID number associated with it.
Looking around, I see confused shoppers who cannot deal with
the new machine wandering like zombies, looking for an empty cart like mine to
nab.
I hold onto it tightly and steer it to the high tech machine
positioned close to my car. I type in my ID number and hold my breath. Nothing
happens. I do it again. Nope. This high tech machine care of the start-up nation
will not compute. It does not let me return the cart.
I wrestle the cart all the way back to the store entrance, feeling
like I’ve ridden a long slimy snake back to the starting point in Snakes and Ladders.
And, at the store entrance, the machine happily directs the cart back to its nesting box.
I’m no engineer or logistics expert, but the problem with
this high-tech innovation is now obvious. You can only return it where there is
a slot – and this slot is obviously nowhere near shoppers’ parked cars.
I know there are smart minds in this country but maybe we
export our clever stuff and leave the half-baked ideas back home in Israel for
zombies like me.
Whatever the reason, I’m too tired and sweaty to think about
chametz or Pesach or shopping carts.
It is time to perfect my Pesach denial method
and head to the beach.
Chag Sameach!
