Wedding Essentials

It’s so refreshing to be sitting in the sunshine.  Being inside for so long, I’m now aware of small details that I don’t always notice: soft fresh air, beaming spring flowers, birds gliding from tree to tree, moving about with no restrictions. All seemingly carefree.

Just waking up feeling healthy and able to embrace a new day is now a palpable blessing.

There have been so many restrictions put in place here in Israel – each day a new proclamation comes out. As of this writing, it is prohibited to leave your home unless you are buying food or items at a pharmacy or heading out to do ‘legitimized’ work. 

You must now go out with a face mask and gloves and stay two meters from people. As my family does not even own masks, I will have to be inventive as soon as I finish writing this.

Just yesterday morning, a ruling came out restricting weddings of more than ten people. Previously, tiny weddings were allowed here. For the seven-week period between Pesach and Shavuot, weddings are not celebrated in accordance with Jewish custom.

Our friends’ son was engaged to be married this June. Given the challenging COVID-19 situation and the inability to predict what will be, he and his fiance did not know if they would be able to have their wedding at that time. They had already rented a hall and the guest list was completed, the bride had excitedly selected her dream wedding dress and the seamstress was sewing it. Family from abroad had planned to fly in to celebrate. It was all ‘b’simcha’ as they say here – as all weddings should be.

However, about a week ago we were informed that the wedding would now be on April 5th. The couple had decided that they did not want to deal with uncertainty and would instead have a small outdoor wedding, with only ten guests, in accordance to the regulations.  We were happy to be invited.

Earlier this week, rumors of additional restrictions were circulating. Soon there would be no more weddings until further notice.

On Tuesday evening at 6:30pm my friend, the mother of the groom, was contemplating having an early night curled up with a book when she got the call.

“Mom,  looks like they'll prohibit all weddings starting tomorrow so we’re planning on getting married tonight. The wedding's at 10pm.”

With three hours to make a beautiful wedding for her son, adrenalin kicked in. As for the bride, she had three precious hours to find a dress, go to the mikvah and do her makeup and hair. They would also need to get the ketuba (the marriage contract) ready, find a chupah and call a photographer.

My creative friend set to work placing candles and flowers, whatever she could grab from home, in the outdoor area. They found a long white cloth to drape down as an aisle and sprinkled flower petals along it. A local violinist came and positioned himself above, plucking his strings as a true fiddler on the roof.

Lone guests appeared from the darkness as if the wind had blown them in. The beaming groom came in and no one could hug him. He stood alone, waiting. His mother arrived and desperately tried to reach one son who lived in another city but there was no answer. He would not know about the wedding until it was over. Another brother was on a video call ready to watch the ceremony.

The guests wore face masks and gloves and did their best to stand apart from each other. We waited with excitement for the bride.

The rabbi arrived with a huge smile on his face and the two witnesses came forward to sign the ketuba.

The fiddler suddenly changed tunes – he had a bird’s eye view from his eyrie and could see the bride approaching along the deserted street.

She entered, accompanied by the groom’s father and walked down the aisle, her long white train swishing behind her. The couple stood under the chupah and the ceremony quickly began. She circled the groom, men were called up to say the sheva brachot, a ring was exchanged, a ketuba read, wine was sipped by the couple and the glass smashed.

“Mazal Tov!” shouted the rabbi. One of the more nervous guests piped up, “Now everyone, please run home. You can have a festive meal in your house to celebrate this marriage. Say the sheva brachot in honor of this beautiful couple. Good night and be well.”

The violinist packed up his instrument. The candles had already been blown out by the wind. The lone guests left one by one, crossing the desolate street, footsteps echoing into emptiness until they were enveloped into the thick, black night.

This lovely young couple had extracted the essence of a wedding and we were their witnesses. They had created the sweetness and beauty of a marriage much like a perfumer designs a scent from flower essences.  

This requires bravery and humility; so many of us are caught up in what a wedding should ‘look like,’ we have forgotten what a wedding essentially is.

They were married by a rabbi under a chupah. They made a pledge to be there for each other. And they carried a signed ketubah to their new home, ready to begin a ‘Bayit Ne’eman b’Israel.’

Due to the circumstances and to their commitment to be married, they forfeited the printed invitations, the party planner, the florist, the caterer, the band, the videographer, the dessert table, the dancing, the center pieces, the specially designed wedding dress, the manicurist, the bride’s maids plus having their best friends and close family members there.

This is one wedding that I will never forget. These times are forcing us to reframe and to realize that we really can exist with less.   

We all need health, love and connection to thrive and when we understand this, we can have more meaning in our lives. When the extraneous is peeled away, we see the shining gem beneath.

Mazal Tov to Yael and Alex!

Thanks for bringing so much light into the darkness.